When I Was Cruel
Elvis Costello
As deciphered by me in 2001

Click here for the real lyrics

I enter through the spotlight glare
I step out into thin air
Into a perfume so rarified
Here comes the bride
Not quite a sigh(t?), this night she's Number Four
There's Number Three just by the door
Those in the know don't even flatter her, they go one better
She was selling speedboats at a trade show when he met her
Look at her now, she's starting to yawn
She looks like she was born to it
But it was so much easier when I was cruel

She reaches out her arms to me
Imploring for another melody
So she can dance her husband out on the floor
Captains of industry, they just lie there as they fall
In eau de nil and pale carnation
A satin sash and velvet (innovation?) (enervation?)
She straightens the tipsy (headdress?) of her spouse
While hers recalls a (honey?) (haunted?) house
There'll be no sorrows left to drown
Early in the morning in your evening gown
But it was so much easier when I was cruel

(The) entrance hall is arranged with hostesses and ushers
Who turned out to be their younger wives nursing schoolgirl crushes
(Parting the waves?) (Pardon the words?) as those few faint friends
Because (ones?) (once?) offered now are too heavy to extend
The ghostly first wife glides up, stage-whispering to raucous talkers
Spilling family secrets out to flunkies and castrato walkers
See that girl, watch that scene
Digging the dancing queen

Two newspaper editors like playground sneaks
Running the book on which one of them is going to last the week
One of them calls to me and says "I know you.
You gave me this tattoo back in '82.
You were a smart child then, with a record to plug,
And I was a shaven-headed seaside thug.
Things haven't really changed as such,
One of us is still getting paid too much."
There are some things I shan't report
The memory of his last retort
But it was so much easier when I was cruel

Look at me (sic) now, she's starting to yawn
She looks like she was born to it
But it was so much easier when I was cruel
When I was cruel